As I Lay Dying
by The Neliel Tu
Summary: It's a sort of homage to William Faulkner. Inspired by his "As I Lay Dying," which is also the namesake of this piece. Grimmjow and Neliel. They're stuck in the desert, and Nel is dying--what will Grimmjow do? Could she be the love of his life? Grimm Nel.
1. Neliel I

_Neliel:_

I can feel the life slowly leaving my body. As much as I want to live on, as much as I want to stay by his side, I cannot find the will to lift my head at times.

I refuse to eat, but he is beginning to realize my lies. He is beginning to realize my frailty, and I did not wish to pain him.

But I can tell that I am. I don't want him to hurt like I do, but he does. I do not understand it, I never thought he had the capacity to feel such things. Not because he is a man, but because he is Grimmjow Jeagerjacques.

He would not feel some foolish emotion...would he? If only on my behalf? I do not care much for that reasoning. I do not wish to be a burden. I do not wish to tie him down, and keep him from moving on to finding clearer air and better food, something sustaining.

He, however, refuses to move along without me. I, in turn, refuse to move from this spot.

I know I am dying. He cannot see it, or, he refuses to. I do not dare to choose which.

I cannot eat. I simply am no longer hungry. I know I am growing weak. I know I can barely stand on my own. I simply do not care what happens anymore. As long as he is all right, I will be all right.


	2. Grimmjow I

_Grimmjow:_

That woman just will not eat. I don't get it. At first, I could hear her damn stomach growling. I know she's hungry. I don't know why the hell she won't eat, though!

I brought her a plate of the best food I could find (Wasn't easy, either!) and she set it beside her, and kept staring at the wall. I just left. I don't want to see her the way she is! She's killing herself with this no-eating thing.

The next morning (I slept down the stairs from her. She's gotten quite bony, and I just don't like the way that feels, getting jabbed by her ribs. It's not pleasant.) I woke up to find that plate of food next to me, with miniscule bites taken from some of the food.

I could see that she had tried to please me, but I'm sick of her refusing the food I bust my balls to get for her! She doesn't try hard enough. I took that plate up to her, and I found her, a pitiful sight, really, curled up under the blankets shivering. She was asleep, but I felt so bad all of a sudden for being so angry.

I caved in and climbed under the covers, trying to keep that woman warm. She turned to face me, pressing against me, and I felt those damn ribs of hers poking my stomach. I swear, one of them went through my hollow hole, and I wanted to cero her face off for a moment. That is, until I remembered the great sex we had. And, the fact that I kind of love the woman.

I'd never fucking admit to that pansy ass shit! Not even if she was on her death bed...

Though, she stopped breathing several times when I held her. It scared the shit out of me. I really have to force her to fucking eat. Otherwise, she'll literally be just skin and bones. That'd be fucked up, because I'm really not into necrophilia. Just like she says she's not into bestiality. She's lying, I'm not.

I doubt I'll be doing anything sexual to her for a while. At least, not until I can get her to gain some weight. It's a bit of a turn off to bruise yourself on your woman's bony hips, knees, ribs--not to mention her tits are shrinking! Not much, but I notice.

I'll force her to eat as soon as she wakes up. She sleeps a lot--though, I really don't know why, or how, when she's obviously hungry.


	3. Neliel II

_Neliel:_

Grimmjow made me eat.

I can't remember what he said to me, but he forced me. And I ate. I can't say I feel better.

No. I feel worse. I feel awful. I feel terribly ill, and I want to die even more than before. He says that's normal, it happens to everyone who starves themselves. He doesn't want me to regress.

He's scared, and I can tell. It's easy to sight it, to smell it--to taste it.

I hate that fear. But I love him. That's a secret that I'll guard to the end. What would he say? He'd scoff and tell me he only wanted me for the sex, which is all I wanted initially.

Then, it became this whole deal for us to survive. I followed him through the desert, trying so desperately to find food. He had me, for company. Sometimes, I found that I hadn't the strength to walk, so he carried me. He spoiled me--I can't say why.

He's no pushover, women don't make him soft, but I do. I don't know why. I don't understand--but I love him.

He secretly wants me to be safe, and I know that, too. He does not want me to be harmed by anything other than his own fist--and he would never hit me. I am too frail, in his eyes.

I really have become frail. Perhaps eating will be a good thing--but it will only be more painful when I die.

I love him. I want him spared that pain sooner. He refuses.

He saw me naked, in the shower of this building we have commandeered. He saw me naked, for the first time since I lost too much weight. I saw his eyes widen, I heard the sharp intake of breath, I saw the disgust in his eyes.

I understood. The tears were flying to my eyes, but I understood. For a moment, through my own tears, I thought I had seen a fleck of moisture in Grimmjow's eyes, but I must have been seeing things.

All he said was "Put some clothes on, woman. I can't look at you like that." and walked away. I can't say I blame him.

Maybe eating will be a good thing. Maybe I won't die, after all.

Maybe...

I really hope so.

I love Grimmjow...

I don't want to die...


	4. Grimmjow II

_Grimmjow:_

She actually ate. She's eating! I don't know how I did it, but I got her to start eating.

She's sicker than shit, but she seems happy. I can't say why, but she's happy. I just hope it lasts. I can't take her depression.

I hate to see her sad, or about to cry. I thought _I_ was about to cry when I saw how skinny she actually is! Me! Cry? Yeah, right.

She's too pretty for her own good, much as I hate to admit it. She's beautiful, but not just on the outside. Not so much on the outside anymore--her face is hollowing, her ribs show, her hips--she looks awful. And even though she sleeps all the damn time, she has dark circles under her eyes.

I dunno what the hell I'll do if she dies, though...I'll miss her too damn much. I'm a bit used to her, I guess.

She's fucking great, though. She used to kick my ass, before getting all skinny and starving herself.

Soon, she'll be back to normal. I'll be happy, and I know she will, too. I love the girl, though I hate admitting it. I love her too much, I think sometimes.

Or maybe I don't love her enough. I can't say.


	5. Neliel III

_Neliel:_

I've begun to gain weight. I'm getting closer to what I was, and my bones are covered with muscle again. Smooth, strong, sleek muscle. Grimmjow is certainly impressed.

He's happy. He's glad he got me to eat. I'm secretly glad.

This means that he sleeps with me again, and shares my bed. He doesn't have to have my rib go through his hollow hole anymore. It can't, anyway.

I still shake from the sickness sometimes.

Yesterday, I stepped out of the shower, and I could feel my entire body trembling. I could not stop, it was uncontrollable. I nearly fell over, but Grimmjow was there all of a sudden, pulling me into his arms.

Asking "Nel--Nel--what's wrong?"

And I could not answer. Of course I could not, I don't know myself. He's worried even more. He's beginning to believe me about my death. He won't let me starve myself, though.

He wanted to take me to that Orihime girl, and have her "reject" my illness. I told him that it wasn't possible, then he snapped on me.

"She healed my fucking arm, Nel! It was turned to ash, fucking ASH! And she brought it back! She can get rid of your sickness!"

I was scared of him, he was too angry. I don't like it when he gets angry with me, but he always apologizes later. He can't help his temper.

I ran from him, though. I ran away, I was so scared. I did not want to talk about it, but once I was far enough away, I fell to my knees in the sand.

I could feel him coming, but I could not stop the wave of nausea. I threw up all over the sand, and in the mess, I fell face-first, unconscious. It was probably a good thing he came after me, otherwise I would have drowned in my own vomit. He saved me from a disgusting death, at least.

And he looked so worried when I came to. I could feel the vomit all over my face, and the need to be sick again, but he just dropped to my level and pulled me against him without a word, not caring that I was getting his clothes all messy. I felt terrible for that, but I could not speak. He carried me back home, and laid me down in bed.

"I'm sorry, Nel." he kissed me on the forehead, tenderly. "I didn't mean to yell at you." he apologised softly, smoothing my hair back.

I still had the vomit all over my face, but I couldn't really protest much. I tried, but he hushed me, and disappeared for a moment. He came back with a wet cloth, and cleaned me up.

I felt terrible for that, too.

"I really do want you to go to her, though." he told me, and I could hear the heavy concern in his voice.

I closed my eyes against the flood of tears threatening to spill.

"I don't think I'll make it, Grimmjow." I managed, though I could barely speak. I had seen the crimson in my vomit. It scared me more than anything ever before. I constantly find myself wondering who could have possibly done this to me.

He did not want to hear that from me. I could see it in his eyes, his expression. I'm probably the only one who has ever seen Grimmjow this way. I hate myself for being the one to have made him feel this way.

"'Course you'll make it." he returned gruffly, and I felt the tears rushing from my eyes. "Come on, now, don't cry, gaki." he practically pled. I couldn't help it, and he held me close, wiping away those tears.

"Ah, Nel, I'll bring her to you." he told me, and I only cried harder. He looked confused, and I took a deep breath to compose myself.

"You wouldn't leave me." I told him, trying to wipe the tears from my eyes. He took my hands, and shook his head.

"No...I don't want to leave you here all on your own. That just wouldn't be right." he said, and I blinked through my tears.

"I'd probably die while you were gone, Grimmjow." I said weakly. He pulled me closer to him, burying my face into his chest.

"Don't say things like that. You make me sad when you do." he admitted, and I felt great surprise. I did not want him to be sad. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted to make him happy. But being sick did not help me. I cannot make him happy in my current state.

"Hold me." I said. He obliged willingly, pulling me close. And I could smell him, his scent invading my nostrils, and calming me for some strange reason. I cried in his arms, unable to imagine what would happen were I to die, to succumb to that terrible fate.

He seemed worried, but unwilling to show that. I can tell, though. I know he cares somewhat, I know he's worried at least a little. I know that he doesn't want me to die.

"Nel, you'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked, trembling in his muscular arms. He nodded, bending to kiss the tears from my face.

"'Course I'm sure." he returned, his voice gruff, as it always is when he shows his concern, or that he cares.

As long as I have him, I will be all right.


	6. Grimmjow III

_Grimmjow:_

I'm damned tired of waiting for her to come around. It hasn't been so long, but she's refusing to do anything.

Fuck it. I'm taking her out of this place while she's asleep. I can sonido still, and pretty damn fast, at that, even if I'm not in my resurreccion.

She'll get over it when I've brought her to Orihime. I could even open a garganta from here, but it's safer going out into the desert, I think.

Damned if she'll fall asleep now, though. By the time she does, I might be too tired to move.

Well, I'll get her to sleep. I'm getting her the fuck out of here.

She's feeling awful, and I can tell. She feels fine during the sex we have, and usually it's her who wants it! Then, later on, she gets sick, she throws up, she shakes, she hides from me.

She can't really hide in this place though. I can find her.

I'm getting her out of here. I'm taking her tonight, and running. I can't seem suspicious, though, otherwise she'll catch me, and I can't have that. She won't sleep.

If she'd just sleep now...maybe I could take a quick nap while I wait. Damned if I'll wake up before her, though. The only way I can take her is if she's dead asleep!

Dead...the word makes me feel sick to my stomach. Maybe she's rubbing off on me, but she's not contagious. Something in her...it's toxic. I don't understand what's going on, and she won't tell me! Nothing!

She lies to me. She says she doesn't remember. "Oh, Grimmjow, stop asking. If I try to remember, I'll only feel sick again! In fact--" and then she runs off to throw up again.

I can't fucking stand it anymore! This has got to fucking end.

As soon as she falls asleep...I'll take her. She can't protest if she wakes up in the middle of the desert, or in the living world. The faster I do this, the faster she'll be better.

I just wish she'd agree to it. She will make it, goddammit! I hate it when she says she won't! I hate her voice when she's sad, I hate the way she acts when she's sick.

When she's sick, she wants nothing to do with me. She's not the Nel I know when she's sick. When she's sick, she won't let me touch her, not even to keep the hair from getting drenched in her vomit.

I hate her when she's sick, but I love her to death. If she dies, that's it for me, I don't think I'll want to live on without the girl. No one else could make me feel the way she does, and I hate that for some reason.

No, I don't...

But I hate her sickness.


	7. Neliel IV

_Neliel:_

He seems worried, but I'm not.

I've accepted what is in store for me. A long time ago--when I decided to starve myself.

It was foolish, really, trying to bring death upon myself faster. It's not like I can control such a fate. I was an idiot. I'm grateful Grimmjow made me eat again.

But, I cannot help thinking that I'm hurting him. Of course I am! He does care...he really does! He cannot deny it!

But I'm scared he cares too much! I don't want him to die if I do! I don't want to die! I want to live!

I'm so scared. Every day brings new fear into my heart, every day brings me closer to death, and I don't want to die, but I'm so set on it...

I scare Grimmjow, too. He does not want me to die! I know that much at least. I'm not too much of a fool.

But what can I do? I can't stop myself from dying. I want to make the most of our time together. Whenever we get the chance, we make love. I'm the one who engages him, but he doesn't mind.

Really, it's the only thing I have to look forward to anymore.

I think he knows that. That's why each time gets better.

I'm so glad I had him, even if it was for such a short time. If missing the one you love in the afterlife were possible, I would miss him the most.

It cannot be possible to miss someone after death, however. It is but a foolish sentiment.

Yet, I hold onto those sentiments sometimes, trying to find a deeper meaning.

There is no deeper meaning, yet I search anyway.

_He understands.  
_


	8. Grimmjow IV

_Grimmjow: _

She finally fell asleep. In my arms, no less.

I waited until she was deep in sleep. I did everything to try and wake her up, but for some reason, she's a very heavy sleeper. It could have something to do with that sickness of hers, but I couldn't say for sure.

All I know is, that I ran with her.

We're in the middle of the desert, and I'm ready to open a garganta.

I would have done this sooner, I would have brought her, but I didn't think of it.

And I can't take her unwillingly. If she doesn't want to go, I don't want to take her. But I can't go on seeing her this way.

She's asleep, and she can't protest. It's best this way. She'll hate me when she wakes up...

But I'll still love her.

...

I opened the garganta, and I carried her through the living world. Apparently, we're in Karakura Town, but it's the dead of night, and Nel's still asleep, the little angel. Shit, I really must be getting soft.

Can't help it, though, really.

She shifted a bit and mumbled in her sleep, but did not wake up. If I could just get her to Orihime in time--but then she woke up.

"Grim--Grimmjow?" her eyes were foggy.

"Yeah, who were ya expectin'?"

"Oh..." she looked down, and I could see she thought we were still 'home.' Then, I saw the realization hit her, and the inevitable "Where did you take me? How could you?!"

I couldn't explain. I just kept running, until I could feel Orihime's reiatsu nearby.

"Grimmjow..." she cried weakly, her eyes closing again. I found myself hoping they would open again.

Then, I was pounding on the door which I decided belonged to Orihime. And, she appeared some time later, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Then, those eyes widened in shock at seeing me, with Nel in my arms.

"Grimmjow? Nel-san?"

"You've got to help her." I said bluntly.

"Wha--why?" she looked confused, and Nel wasn't moving anymore.

"She's sick, she's dying! Heal her, dammit! I need your goddamned help, woman!" I couldn't help it. I don't want Nel to die! And to lose her now, when I'm so close...it would be so pointless!

"H-hai, Grimmjow!" Orihime nodded, the sleep dissolving. I let Nel slide from my arms to the floor of her apartment as she let me in, so that she could properly heal Nel.

I'm so glad that she's gonna get better.

_--_

_Heh, I went on an updating rampage today, I know!_

_Hopefully this chapter'll pass muster. Oh...I'm a bit worried about it. _

_There'll be a warning if I spontaneously make it disappear. Or replace it._


	9. Orihime

_Orihime:_

Nel-san looked hurt. Not on the outside, but sick. I don't know what's wrong with her, but I could tell she'd lost weight, and that she had suffered.

I could tell that Grimmjow had suffered, too.

He had never looked concerned for another living being in all the time that I've seen him.

And his eyes looked--like Kurosaki-kun's whenever Rukia got hurt. It was so sweet to see the way he loves her. At least, I think he loves her.

I rejected her illness, though it was strange. I could almost feel another reiatsu mingling with Nel-san's. I rejected as much of the damage as was possible, and soon Nel-san had a healthy glow again.

And Grimmjow looked overcome with joy, and for a moment, I was afraid he might try to hug me. But Nel-san was rising from the floor and looking around, her eyes wide.

"Orihime-chan..." she looked to me, and I saw a grateful light in her eyes. She tackled me in a hug, squeezing me until I could barely breath. Then, Grimmjow pulled her from me, taking her into his arms.

It was probably the only time I'd see him showing affection to anyone, and so I savored it.

The way he held her, the way they stopped in each other's arms, like they would never move again--just like lovers do.

It was so moving, so beautiful, that I nearly teared up. I couldn't, though, Grimmjow would have probably been upset.

"Thanks, woman." he said, and I flushed, unable to help myself.

"No, no, it was nothing!" I argued, and he shrugged, then suddenly gave me a pat on the head.

"Just accept it. Thanks." he told me, and I felt my face heating even more.

"Thank you, Orihime-chan!" Nel-san cried brightly and enthusiastically.

And then, they left. That reiatsu I felt had been strange, and I couldn't figure out who it belonged to.

It was an espada, I thought. I couldn't tell. I don't know why, but it was probably someone who I'd never met.

I'll probably never see Nel-san again to ask her. That's a depressing thought, but at least she's happy!

I can tell they're in love! And it's so cute! I'd really love to see them together more...

But I didn't have a chance to ask.

Maybe I'll see her again someday...


	10. Neliel V

_Neliel:_

I knew it wouldn't work.

Orihime's power may be to reject something, as Grimmjow told me, but it did not work. I remain sick.

I was fine, for a week, maybe. But now I feel sick once more. It was something different, that Orihime could not fix.

I don't know why, and I can't remember how, but I do remember an encounter with a certain espada, and if I remember correctly, something happened.

But I don't remember what, and I don't remember anything more.

If I remembered, I would tell Grimmjow.

As it is, we'll have to return to Orihime if he wants me to live--and I want to live.

There are only two who wanted to hurt me, and one of them is dead. As far as I know, the other is alive, but maybe just barely.

He would be the only one who could help me. I think.

I tried to tell Grimmjow, but he waved me off, because he does not think I'm sick. I wish he would believe me, I really do. But he asks "How could you be sick when your sickness got rejected? Huh?"

That, and I don't look sick, I only feel the beginnings of it.

Soon, he'll have to believe.

Soon, it might be too late.

I don't want it to be too late, but I can't make him believe me.


	11. Grimmjow V

_Grimmjow:_

Nel keeps trying to tell me she's sick.

I don't believe her. She looks perfectly healthy, and she acts perfectly healthy.

She sleeps through the night, she eats regularly, and she's phenomenal in bed.

I don't see the problem.

Then again, it did set on suddenly the last time, I think.

Maybe she is sick.

She keeps trying to tell me something about it, but I won't listen. I don't want to know who did this to her, or who she thinks did it to her. Chances are, the bastard's already dead, so I can't kill him for vengeance.

Not that Nel'd be happy with me for that anyway.

I asked her who did it, and she told me to leave her alone. Probably because I've been ignoring her, but I made her tell me.

"Nel, you've got to fucking tell me."

"But Grimmjow...you won't believe me."

I grabbed her by the shoulders and stared her right in the eye. "Do I really look like I won't fucking believe you, woman?"

I could tell she wasn't happy being called 'woman,' but I was angry.

"I think...I think it was Szayel Aporro Granz." she finally said, bowing her head.

I felt bad then, and I held her, and I swear I could feel her becoming sick.

That's weird as hell, but whatever.

Now I just don't know what the hell to do.

Keep taking her to Orihime? Or go to Szayel's lab to find answers?

I just don't have a fucking clue.

Hopefully I'll figure it out soon enough.

&

_(A/N: I hope it doesn't seem like I'm rushing through this, because I'm not. At least, I'm trying not to. I just need to finish this, because it's been on the backburner for far too long. And that's irritating on a buncha levels to me. I really like this, and I want to know how it ends!! Because even I don't know. Ah, anyway, hope you're all having a good read!_

_One last favor though? Review? And I'll be inspired to make this extra awesome!)_


	12. Neliel VI

_(A/N: My apologies for the epic delay on this story! I keep putting it off, and putting it off, and I know I shouldn't but I keep doing it! Damn my penchant for procrastination!) _

_Neliel: _

Sometimes, I can't breathe. Sometimes, I feel like my lungs are caving in, or shrinking. Maybe they've begun to turn black, and slowly they are crumbling.

Maybe I should not think such pessimistic thoughts. Perhaps I should imagine that those lungs of mine are pink and as healthy as health itself.

It's hard to think of such things when I feel terribly ill, and I barely want to move.

Grimmjow's not happy. I don't really care. He's never been happy, and he'll never be happy until he's dead.

I thought that I'd be happier if I were dead, but now I realize that I'm happier being alive, and suffering this out. If I could live through this, I'd be strong enough to kill Nnoitora. Assuming, of course, he were alive for me to kill.

Maybe I'm wrong about Grimmjow. Maybe he could be happy. I cannot say for sure, but he wants to be happy, and I can tell. If I could make him happy, I'd feel a bit of his happiness. That would make me shine.

He insists on taking me to either Orihime or Szayel, but he wants me to make the decision. I really doubt it matters either way, but I have a terrible feeling about this.

So I told him to take me to Szayel. We rest in the sand, our faces turned toward the hulking mass that is Las Noches. It's beautiful, really, but not in the way of such things as love. Then again, love isn't really beautiful all the time, anyway.

It's beautiful in a cold, forbidding way, and I hate the place. I hate it with every fiber of my being, like I've never hated anything before.

When I think about how much I hate Las Noches, I can't breath. My chest feels like it's collapsing, my heart feels like it will stop at any moment.

When I turned to ask Grimmjow how long until we reached the labs of Szayel Aporro Granz, I found that he was asleep, and I could not bear to wake him. He looks happy when he's asleep, sometimes, and that was one of those occasions.

Sometimes I find myself thinking that he's beautiful in the way he says I am.

Right now it's more of a sickly beauty. The worrying over me makes him sick, and I can see it.

How strange it is, really, but I suppose it's a natural thing. We feed off of each other's emotions, for we have lived together for far too long.

I'm starting to wonder if we'll really make it to Las Noches, but I suppose we have to.

After all, if I let myself die, Grimmjow will think of me as a weakling, or a quitter.

I can't have that, now can I?


	13. Grimmjow VI

_Grimmjow: _

She looks so peaceful. She finally fell asleep.

I've been waiting for her to sleep ever since we left for Las Noches. All she does is stare off at that place, contemplating or something.

I miss her voice. She's so quiet these days, and it fucking scares me. The only time she seems alive is when she speaks, and it sucks when she doesn't talk. Her voice is always so alive, even when it's muffled with how ill she feels.

Her eyes used to be alive, too, and I dreaded it when she'd sleep. Now, she doesn't sleep often, and her eyes are so dull.

I'd go back to sleep, but I can't take my eyes off of her face. She really is beautiful. She used to be beautiful all the time, but when she's really sick, I can barely stand to look at her.

I am going to make that fucking creep Szayel get a damn remedy. It sickens me to think of him ever laying a hand on her, and once I've gotten what I want from the bastard, I'm going to fucking kill him.

Neliel doesn't deserve what's been done to her. I don't know what the hell it is, but I'm gonna fucking find out.

That fucker'll heal my woman.


	14. Szayel I

_Szayel: _

I could feel them coming before I heard them, long, long before I heard them.

Any fool can feel the tense, brooding energy of Grimmjow Jeagerjacques, and Neliel Tu Oderschvank's subdued, rather docile energy is unmistakable.

I knew exactly what they wanted. The fact that Neliel's reiatsu was subdued meant that my plans had gone accordingly. The damage she had suffered again and again had been exactly as I had predicted.

Everything that I had done had been done after that towering fool Nnoitora had done his dirty work, and Neliel was nothing but a mere child.

Some think of me as despicable, some think I am disgusting. Really, I prefer genius. Who else could help bring about the great Neliel Tu Oderschvank's demise twice? Though, the second part hasn't exactly carried through, and I expect that they'll expect me to end it.

Neither one of them will be happy.

I highly suspect that Grimmjow will be the angrier one in the pair.

It's a shame that things couldn't have been different. If it didn't hurt to move, I'd laugh.


	15. Neliel VII

_Neliel:_

I was the first one to see him there, lying on the floor in a pool of blood. It wasn't hard to see that he'd been there for a while, and it was hard to feel sympathy for him.

"Szayel Aporro Granz." I said softly, my feet making little sound as I took a few steps forward.

"Neliel Tu Oderschvank. It's been awhile, hasn't it?" he choked out with great effort.

"What have you done to me?" I asked, and the stretching of his lips was unmistakable, though disfigured by the blood splattered on his face. A smile.

I was glad that Grimmjow had listened to me and had waited outside of Szayel's lab for me. If I needed him, I would certainly call out to him.

It was hard to get a straight answer out of a man who was lying in blood and could barely breathe, let alone speak, so I decided to set him upright in a chair and tidy him up a bit.

"How kind of you. You've always been quite the charitable one, haven't you, Neliel?" Szayel asked, finding that he was having an easier time speaking.

"I want to know what is wrong with me."


	16. Szayel II

_Szayel: _

The fool wants to know what is wrong with her! What is wrong with her is that spoiled brain of hers! What a fool, what a wretched waste of a soul!

The laughter tries to spill from my mouth, but I cannot let it. After all, once Neliel was a friend to me. I simply cannot be rude to her. Though, attempting to murder her is rather rude, isn't it?

"Neliel, how far back do you remember?" I asked of her. I didn't expect a straight answer, for lying is second nature to the woman. She also enjoys dodging questions.

"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know what you remember." I rose, painfully of course. Having my innards destroyed hasn't really done much for my mobility, after all. The look of astonishment on her face as I traced her cheek, the skin soft and taut, with two of my bared fingers was quite enjoyable. "Do you remember that?"

"Of course." Her voice was as tight as her clenched jaw.

"So you now know my motive for what I've done to you." I smiled, and her wince filled me with warmth. I clapped my hands twice as I sat back down. "Congratulations. I never thought you of all people would discover that I was behind this!"

"What have you done, Szayel?" her voice had softened considerably, as had her expression. Now she was showing—well, I couldn't tell exactly what it was. It could have been sympathy, pity, or one of those pathetic emotions that I recall Nnoitora loathing so much. Well, I loathe him for inevitably taking what used to be mine, so I didn't mind that expression so much.

Of course, it wasn't about to change anything. "I remember when you used to love me, and not him."

I could see it didn't register with her that by 'him' I meant Nnoitora, and not Grimmjow. Grimmjow can have the fool. I don't need that woman anymore. I never did, but it was nice to feel loved once.

I knew exactly when it clicked, and she looked a bit repulsed at the memory of loving Nnoitora at once. Better him than me.

"I remember too." She said finally, her eyes on the floor. I could feel Grimmjow's impatience rising, and I knew she could too, for her eyes had moved to the door. It was as though she willed him to be patient, for as suddenly as that feeling had surfaced, it had disappeared again.

"Do you?"

"It wasn't so bad then." She said softly. "Before we were espada, we had it so good." She murmured.

"Everything was peaceful." I returned.

"I never wanted to become an espada." She admitted suddenly. "I never wanted that for myself."

"I know." And I did know. She had told me that so many times, over and over again, which was partially the reason I had assisted in her demise. I doubt Nnoitora knew, but his opinion would not have mattered anyway.

"Will you tell me what you've done?" she asked, persistent in attaining the answer.

"You won't like it."

"Of course not. But I must know." She was adamant, firm yet gentle. It was her way, and sometimes it actually worked.

"It comes at a price."

"What price?" she asked, and I detected a hint of nervousness in that strong voice of hers.

"It's not what you think." I returned, smiling innocently at her. Those golden eyes were far duller than I recalled, and for a long moment I contemplated giving her the antidote free of charge, just to see those eyes shine again.

Oh well, I'll probably be alive a couple of years from now to see them again.


	17. Grimmjow VII

_Grimmjow: _

I've been pacing outside of that freak's lab for what seems like hours. I can't understand what's taking them so long, and my thoughts are turning to paranoia.

Though, I'm sure Neliel would never betray me with another man. Fuck, I'm soft as hell. I dunno what's gotten into me lately, but I can't stand the thought of another man touching her.

If he does anything to hurt her, I'll fucking kill him.

For some reason, I doubt that's the case. Whatever's happening, it better fucking happen! I'm so sick of waiting.

As long as Neliel gets healed, I don't mind, I guess.

Though, that fucker probably has a million and three conditions.

I've been thinking of going in there, but I can tell Neliel doesn't want me in there yet. She wants to hear the news herself, and I know I'd just make the bastard uncomfortable. Just being here is bad enough. Oh well. He'd better fucking deal with it. Creep.

I've never really liked the guy anyway.

_(A/N: Well, I hope you've enjoyed my epic update on this story. I have a feeling that the next time I update this it will be the last…but I can't say for certain! _

_Ahh, and school totally just started, so if I don't update as often as usual though that's been rather erratic and hard to figure out lately then you'll know why.) _


	18. Szayel III

_Szayel: _

Her pale fingers dug into my arms, and every bit of pressure from her fingertips felt magnified. It used to be that her grip was pleasant, and now it is no longer such. Maybe it is the fact that in the state I am in, I am far weaker, and my skin is far easier to bruise.

Of course, my hierro was never anything to brag about to begin with. For some reason, it felt as though she clung to me.

"Yes, Neliel?"

"Tell me, what is the price? Whatever it is, surely I can pay it."

"You won't be the only one with dues."

"Tell me." She was adamant, yet the desperation in her voice was like honey added to tea. It only made her sweeter.

"When you insist like that, it is impossible to deny you." I smiled, as fake as her purity and innocence. She backed away, letting up on her grip. Her eyes were wide in her pale face, frantically searching mine.

I could tell how the splattered blood on my face disturbed her, and how she wanted to wipe it off. Perhaps once I'd told her.

"There is no antidote." I told her calmly, and she looked devastated. I held up one finger to keep her from protesting. "However, there is a way to null the effects."

"Does it involve dying?"

"Of course not, though that is a way to cure any illness, whether it be terminal or not." The smile was a bit more genuine at this point. "You must become a child again."

Her jaw dropped, and her expression was absolutely breathtaking. It would have been even more amusing were I not serious. Her golden eyes bulged, and her face paled even more. The dark circles formed about her eyes seemed to stand out.

"My apologies, for I am completely serious."

"I never protested." She returned, as calm as ever. "Will it really work?"

"The process will only take a year or two. Well, that is approximately how long you will remain a child. Of course, you will return to being an adult, but you'll go through all of the stages in a matter of three weeks. It may be strange to believe, but as a child, your immune system is boosted—or at least it can be." I reached forward, as though to take her hand.

She stared at the disfigured glove, and my bloodied fingers blankly. I left it hanging there, just staring at her for a long moment.

"You need to tell _him_, don't you?"

"Naturally. You were right. We both have dues to pay." She turned and left the room.

Of course, I remained seated. I wonder if she'll let me live, for being so kind to her, and telling her how to rid herself of the sickness I have implanted within her. Either way, I can still kill the both of them, if I need to.

There is still science for me to do. It would not benefit my work for me to die at this time.


	19. Grimmjow VIII

_Grimmjow: _

I watched the door open, and I watched an almost defeated looking Neliel walk out.

She didn't speak at first, and when she did, her lips were next to my ears, and her arms were around me.

"I have to become a child again." She told me.

"What?" I stepped back to look at her. It should have been anything but what she told me. What the fuck kind of cure is that? Does she mean to tell me that the bastard has no antidote?

"He has no antidote. I'm sure he never thought—"

"Never thought what, Nel?"

"That I would figure out that he was the one who did this to me. He never thought I'd live to confront him. He never thought I'd return to being an adult." She looked convinced, so I believed her.

"That's a shitty thing to do."

"No." she looked away. "It was simply a lack of foresight. Or, perhaps, he thought he'd predicted what would happen." She looked down.

"You're going to do it, aren't you?"

"What choice have I got?"

"Don't do it?"

"And die? I could live."

"Then live."


	20. Neliel VIII

_Neliel:_

The exasperation in his tone was easy to distinguish. Of course he was exasperated. I would lose everything. But, I would live.

I took his hand and pulled him into Szayel's lab, where he awaited us in the chair in which I had placed him.

"Have you decided?" he asked coolly. A strained smile tugged forcefully at my lips.

"I suppose I have." I looked to Grimmjow. "I trust my memories will be lost once more."

"Perhaps. You may retain some of them." He said with a shrug. I felt tremors beginning to surface, and I knew I did not have long. I never did have long.

I could feel Grimmjow's hand tightening on mine.

"What have you decided, Neliel Tu Oderschvank?"

"I'd like to live."

"Great."

"Can we have some time alone?" Grimmjow asked, and I knew his intentions. Well, those were mine, as well.

"I suppose that's in order. The gravity of this cure is quite crushing."

"Thank you." I rested my free hand on Szayel's shoulder for a moment, and he flinched ever so slightly. Then, Grimmjow was pulling me out into the hallway, and against him.

"Is it time to say goodbye already?"


	21. Grimmjow IX

_Grimmjow:_

I could practically feel the sadness in her voice, and I had to force myself to nod.

"Yeah."

"What a shame." She murmured, brushing her lips against mine. "I was hoping we would have a little bit longer."

"Why delay the process?" I asked. The sooner we turned her into a kid, the sooner she'd be an adult again.

"You'll leave me when I turn." She looked crushed.

"'Course not. I told you once. I'm with you to the end. Don't make me repeat myself."

She looked so pretty when she blushed. It was the first time I'd seen any color come to her face in weeks.

"You'll really take care of me?"

"Who else will?"

"Szayel." She said softly, and I scoffed.

"Like that bastard has any feelings."

"And you do?" she smiled, and I recognized the attempt at humor.

"Let's just do whatever it is we're going to do."

"You're so impatient." She sighed. "I'll forget all of this anyway." She seemed saddened by that thought, so I held her close. "But at least it all happened, and I'll have you to remind me."

"'Course." I ran my hands down her back. "And we'll know it now."

"Love is hard to forget." She said softly, as though she did not want me to hear.

But I did. And I agree.

Someday I'll tell that woman just how I feel. I can't do it now though. It's too late.


	22. Szayel IV

_Szayel: _

I was expecting them to walk in with flushed faces, or slightly happy expressions. The sight that greeted my eyes was pathetic. The depressed looks on their faces should have warmed me, or made me happy, but instead I felt sympathetic.

That's a feeling that I hate for myself to feel. Neliel is different, I suppose, and she inspires emotions for those who have never loved.

"You're ready, I assume." She had to be, for she had detached herself from Grimmjow, and she looked ready.

"Yes." Her answer was short, simple, and to the point. That was a trait of hers that I found I rather enjoyed. Though, it was rare for her to be blunt, or to the point. Usually her answers were simple, and they said what they needed to.

She was different from her answers. She was nothing simple, nor to the point. She was Neliel.

"Then we shall proceed."

Grimmjow winced, and I could tell he was indeed hurt by this. He would certainly be paying his dues. That had been no lie.

Neliel followed me into another room, and her golden eyes fixed on me calmly, and I could almost see a sparkle within them.

"They don't shine like they used to." I said softly.

"They haven't for a long time." She returned, somehow knowing what I referenced.

"Why is that?"

"There has been no reason for them to shine. The last time these eyes of mine shone was the time that I fell in love with—" she bowed her head for a moment, and I could tell she did not want to admit what she had already begun to. She was committed, and she and I both knew. "Grimmjow."

"He surely knows." I returned, and she sighed.

"I haven't outright told him." She admitted. "And I will not. He made me fall in love with him once. Certainly he can do it again."

"He had better hope to." I returned. She smiled sweetly, genuinely.

"Thank you, Szayel Aporro." She said suddenly. I gently pushed her into a capsule.

"This won't take long." I told her, and she nodded as I closed the door.

All it took was to drain her reiatsu, and she was a child once more. A look of confusion graced that round, chubby face as I opened the door, and an unmistakable look of sadness.

"Who're you?" she asked softly, almost in awe.

"It doesn't matter now." I told her, patting the small skull mask, and then scooping her up into my arms to take her to Grimmjow.

It was quite the task, really, and it was fortunate that she had the weight of a child. I struggled to set her down before Grimmjow, and kneeling, I pointed up to him.

"What's important to you, Nel Tu, is who he is." I told her.

Round golden eyes looked up to Grimmjow, and I could see recognition light them up.

"S-sexta espada…Grimmjow Jeagerjacques…" she murmured, and he had to look away. I had caught the gleam of sadness. I caught the air of lost love surrounding him.

"He'll take good care of you." I sent her off with a light pat on the whole, childish skull mask.


	23. Grimmjow X

_Grimmjow: _

Finally, she'll be all right. I just hate that the kid doesn't remember that she's my woman. I hate how she's not the woman I love anymore.

The only thing that makes me tolerate this whole situation is the fact that in two years, she'll be a healthy adult once more. Then, I'll have to make her fall in love with me again.

It wasn't easy the first time, dammit.

She doesn't complain too often, actually. She knows who I am, at least, and sometimes, she's easy to talk to. 'Course, I can't tell her all of the ways we used to fuck. I think that'd be a bit messed up.

"Nel wantth thomething to eat." She looked up at me with those sad eyes.

I don't know what to give her to eat. It's not like we had anything good when we were where we were. I tried, but now it'll be harder. Kids are so damned picky.

"What do you want to eat, Nel?" I asked her.

"Nel doethn't care. Just…thomething."

It's kinda weird that she only lisps on some of her words. Sometimes she talks in the third person, and other times she doesn't. She's hardly predictable. At least she doesn't seem to be picky.

I don't know how good with kids I am, though.

I picked her up and sonido'd with her to where we lived, and still do. When I set her down, she had a nosebleed.

"You went…too fast." She managed, before falling into the sand.

"Shit…" I muttered, picking her up and rushing in, but not too fast.

I leaned her forward, and held a rag to the bleeding nose. She looked up at me with tearful golden eyes, and I froze. I just couldn't handle it if she cried. No matter what the reason.

It'd just be too damned weird to hug her—but then again, it wouldn't. She'll have to share the bed with me.

She'll have to share a lot of things with me.

At least she'll be better in a year or two.

I can only hope. There is no fucking way I'm living with a kid for any longer than that.

I want Neliel back.


	24. Nel

_Nel: _

Grimmjow takes good care of me.

He's nice. He's always trying to keep me from getting hurt.

I think something's wrong though. Sometimes he looks at me with a really sad face. Sometimes he looks like he's going to cry or something.

That's kinda weird. I guess it's good that he's taking care of me though. I don't know why he is though.

He always looks so worried for Nel, too. It's weird, but I guess I like that.

I don't know what happened, but it must have been big.

Sometimes, I see Grimmjow looking out into the desert, and he looks happy. I don't know what he's thinking about, but I think it's me.

Sometimes, he hugs me. He's warm. I don't need a blanket when he shares the bed with me. His hugs feel nice, and I like being close to him.

He's like my brothers Dondo Chakka and Pessche. I don't know where they are. He's like them, but he's not my brother. He's different. I don't know what kind of different, but it's good different.

Nel worries about Grimmjow sometimes. He's weird. Nel doesn't want Grimmjow to hurt himself thinking about Nel. Nel's not important.

He thinks weird. He thinks every little thing's gonna hurt Nel.

Grimmjow's so good to Nel, though.

-End-


End file.
